The Royal Succession Should Prince Charles and his two sons die before the Queen is called to Heaven, one of these lesser-known Royals will ascend to the Throne of England.

Lady Virginia Ducksworth, Duchess of Northsusford. Aged 84. Fourth in line to the Throne. Hobbies: fox hunting, collecting plastic spoons, Victorian tea canisters, and porcelain doorknobs. Quote: "I will live a thousand years to piss on the graves of those Windsor bastards!" Sir Nigel Farnsbottom, Duke of Donywickshire. Aged 74. Fifth in line to the Throne. Hobbies: Nazi memorabilia, squirrel hunting, and sex tours of Thailand. Quote: "King Nigel, I like the sound of that! First order of business, kick the wogs out of England. That's a start." Sir Philip Windsor XXII, Prince Philip's bastard son and Chairman of the Bank of England. Aged 39. Philip will become King if every citizen of Great Britain should die. Hobbies: stray cat hunting, cheap women and internet gambling. Quote: "Bollocks! That King job is for fools!" Princess Sharon Needles, Duchess of Westbedburl. Aged 28. Sixth in line to the Throne. Hobbies: duck hunting, drugs and bondage. Quote: "It's vital that the monarchy keeps in touch with the people. That's what I will try to do if I become Queen. Oh, and do you know where I can score some heroin?" The less said about the Earl of Upperwilwick the better. Seventh in line to the Throne.