El actual Gobierno de Estados Unidos ha fracasado totalmente en sus planes de aislar y de asfixiar económicamente a Cuba, no se resigna a su fracaso y se desespera peligrosamente. El Gobierno de Estados Unidos hizo todo lo posible por satisfacer los deseos de la mafia terrorista cubano-americana, que condujo al presidente Barack Obama a la disputada presidencia de ese país. ¿Quién es hilaire9?"---Fidel Castro, Marzo 2010

I battle jellyfish and barracuda in my attempt to reach the Workers' Paradise of Cuba!

     It was late November 2010 when I decided to escape this vile country and live in the dreamland of Cuba. Then I learned an interesting fact: the United States Government doesn't want the slaves to run from the plantation! It is illegal to travel to Cuba unless you are a certain type of person: government workers (spies) or journalists (paid liars). No wonder Americans don't know how great it is to live in a county under Communist rule.

     That's when I had a brilliant idea. I would paddle my surfboard to Cuba! Soon I was in Key West Florida and preparing for my escape. Quickly I gathered all the provisions I would need for my journey: a waterproof backpack to carry my supplies, my Official Boy Scout compass, suntan lotion, a big box of raisins, 2 pounds of beef jerky, a bag of Cheetos, and a 12-pack of Diet Coke.

     Early the next morning I was well on my way, paddling with vigor towards Cuba! All that day and the next I made good speed, the current was with me and the weather was excellent. During the night of the third day, while sleeping, I rolled into the ocean and lost my compass and found myself in a school of stinging jellyfish!

     Day four was bad. I had lost my compass and had no Coke left. Then the weather turned rough! I was too exhausted to paddle against the wind and was dying of thirst. I thought of drinking my own urine, but decided to drink a little seawater instead.

     On day five I was insane! All I could do was hold tight to my board and let the strong winds blow me across the rolling ocean. I lost track of time and had strange dreams. In one dream I saw a chorus line of barracuda dressed in pink and yellow bikinis dancing across the waves! In another I was greeted on the shores of Cuba by Fidel Castro and the ghost of Che Guevara, and a parade was held in my honor down the streets of Havana. How long I drifted in this state of mind I do not know.

      I awoke in darkness. Everything was still. Slowly I focused my eyes. I was on a beautiful white sand beach in the moonlight! Cuba at last, all my dreams come true! With great effort I made it to my feet and started walking inland. I reached a paved road and began walking towards some lights I could see in the distance. A car passed me at great speed. Was that a Mercedes? Yes, of course! Everyone drive a fancy car under Communism. Soon I reached the edge of a small town. Something was wrong. All the signs were in English, and it didn't look like a lovely Cuban village at all! I walked into the nearest store and asked the man behind the counter: "This is Cuba, right?" I could tell by the expression on his face that I was not in Cuba. Holy shit, back in Florida again! Then I noticed the store was full of food and drink, and I was starving. I knew under this form of government I would have to pay for everything. So I grabbed an armful of Hostess Cupcakes and a quart of milk and ran for the door. I ran and I ran until I could run no longer. I fell to the ground in tears. I was shattered! Then I noticed I was naked. I shook my head in disbelief and remembered the words of Chairman Mao: 'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.' Well, I had taken my first step, nothing to be sad about, plus I had all these cupcakes. Things were looking up!